Audio Version
You might find yourself in the garden one day, admiring the new range of succulents you bought on the weekend…
You may be heading to a friend’s birthday party, gazing out into the distance from the passenger window. You could be out for TGIF drinks where you should be having great banter with your mates…. But out of the blue, just like an RBT anywhere, anytime, it hits you.
…You feel a sudden pang right in the middle of your chest; a heavy drop in your stomach; a sore ache in your heart; your lungs cave in; the world around you slows down; the sounds around you drown out; a cold wave of emptiness gushes through you; and the voice inside your head (be it yours, or the famous singer Akon’s) echoes louder than ever. Yes, I’m talking about loneliness.
What is it?
Loneliness is a state that can be experienced as a form of social isolation or an emotional response to it. Loneliness is not the same as being alone. A person can be physically alone and not feel lonely, whereas a person can be around others but still feel alone. Loneliness is a longing for deeper interpersonal connection but feeling like your interactions never reach that point.
Why is loneliness awareness important?
Studies from 2001 and beyond have found that 1 in 3 (33%) Australians have experienced at least one episode of loneliness, while 54% felt more lonely since the start of the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020. This means that within a small group of 3-4 family members or peers, at least one of you has had an episode of loneliness, and at least two of you have felt even more alone in recent years.
Of course, spending time by yourself has its benefits. However, too much time on your own has serious health impacts – it’s been linked to a weakened immune system, heightened stress response, elevated blood pressure, sleep disturbance, increased risk of heart disease, dementia, mental health conditions, and dying early. The effects are comparable to smoking half a packet of cigarettes a day! Loneliness is a deep core issue that is often buried and disguised under other problems we see on the surface. This makes it challenging for anybody to detect it as a primary cause for distress, dysregulation, and dysfunction in everyday life.
What are the signs?
It’s helpful to recognise that some of the issues one battles with day to day may be caused by an underlying feeling of loneliness and disconnection. Common behaviours include:
- Over working: immersing yourself in business, working long hours or on the weekend, and focusing heavily on career achievements provide an escape from addressing deeper personal needs;
- Keeping a busy schedule: constantly filling up your time with work, hobbies, interests, exercise, and activities may be a way to mask feelings of loneliness and avoid confronting it;
- Excessive socialising: loading up your social calendar with events or always being around people may be used to distract and overcompensate for loneliness;
- Addiction and substance abuse: frequent drug use, daily alcohol consumption, binge eating, binge drinking, gambling, playing online games day and night, and excessive social media scrolling may provide a temporary relief from feeling alone but ultimately prolongs and exacerbates the issue;
- Emotional dependency: over reliance on others, seeking constant validation, approval and attention arises from fear of being alone;
- Relationship conflict: feeling lonely can cause one to be more sensitive during interactions. This heightened emotional state can lead to feeling frustrated often, reactivity, arguments, miscommunication, misunderstandings, shutting down, or projecting unresolved issues onto others.
What can we do about it?
Seeing the signs allows you to take action. If you feel you cannot speak honestly with the people around you, seeking help from a professional can provide several benefits and support in managing this challenging state. Loneliness is a complex experience that is different for everybody. Therefore, the right therapist can provide you with a safe, non-judgmental space to express your feelings and thoughts. They can give specialised guidance tailored to your circumstances, help you identify the root cause which is essential for healing and growth, and equip you with effective coping strategies to manage loneliness and develop more meaningful connections.
Addressing loneliness positively impacts your overall well-being. Remember that seeking professional help is a way of prioritising self-care and breaking out of negative cycles of always doing things yourself. If you or someone you know is struggling with loneliness, take the first valuable step towards change and reach out.