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Don’t You Know That You’re Toxic? Realising that your lifelong relationships are toxic

by | Aug 11, 2023

Audio Version

It can take many of us up to a life time to realise that some of our most significant relationships were toxic. This is particularly true with family. Why is it that when it comes to family, we expect more, we tolerate more, and we hurt more?

Why is it harder to see that perhaps our older sibling actually despises us, or that our parent is narcissistic, or that some members may be jealous of us and feel good when we feel miserable?

The realisation that your own familial relationships are toxic can be exceptionally challenging due to several reasons:

  1. Emotional Attachment: You may have deep emotional ties and attachments to your family, making it difficult to see their negative behaviors objectively. Love and loyalty can cloud your judgment.
  2. Familiarity Bias: Since you have grown up with your family, their toxic behaviors might seem “normal” to you. It becomes challenging to recognise the dysfunction when you have nothing else to compare it to.
  3. Guilt and Obligation: Society often places a strong emphasis on family bonds, leading to feelings of guilt and a sense of obligation to maintain these connections, even if they are toxic.
  4. Manipulation and Gaslighting: Some toxic family members may manipulate your perception of reality and make you doubt your thoughts and experiences. This gaslighting can lead you to question your judgment.
  5. Fear of Abandonment: The fear of losing your family’s approval or being rejected can be daunting, and it might prevent you from acknowledging their toxic behaviors.
  6. Isolation from Support: Toxic families might foster an environment where they isolate you from external supports or portray themselves as the only ones who truly care about you.
  7. History of Abuse or Neglect: If you have experienced abuse or neglect from your family, it can be incredibly challenging to confront and process these traumatic experiences.
  8. Cultural and Social Norms: In some cultures or societies, questioning family dynamics or cutting ties with family members can be heavily stigmatised.
  9. Hope for Change: You might be hoping that things will change or get better within your family. However, this might prevent you from acknowledging the toxic dynamic that exists.

Recognising that your family is toxic requires significant courage and self-reflection. It is essential to seek support from friends, professionals, or support groups to help you navigate this difficult realisation. Remember, it is imperative that you prioritise your own mental and emotional well-being.