Audio Version
I have come across expressions like “He/She’s so borderline” and I honestly think to myself, wow, that’s actually really mean and totally unacceptable. I question whether those making the statements really know what they’re saying and what kind of impact this would have on the person they’re speaking about.
This often stigmatizing remark comes with connotations like being ‘crazy, mental, moody, out of control, intense, or insane.’ Some would even blatantly tell you to “avoid!” However, when I think about a likely cause for developing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), invalidating environment, which includes invalidating relationships comes to mind. So that comment, “He/She’s so borderline” might even have truth to it, but, BIG BUT, labeling and judging someone so carelessly would more likely cause, maintain, and exacerbate their ‘borderline’ traits. Which comes first, the chicken or the egg?
A common experience felt by those with BPD is having a broken sense of self, feeling chronically empty and chronically suicidal. Imagine feeling that unstable, worthless and insecure within yourself, surrounded by people who think you’re ‘crazy’ and don’t understand you, being shut down when you seek comfort, having an overwhelming fear that people closest to you will abandon you, being left by your partner or friends because you’re ‘too much’, having to use alcohol, drugs or risky behaviours to cope with your pain, and then when parts of your life are finally looking up, you self-sabotage. It’s unimaginably distressing. The ache of each waking hour doesn’t feel worth it. You think about death all the time.
What I will say is that it IS possible to go from this prolonged state of distress to living a full and satisfying life. In fact, 85% of people with BPD experience a remission of 12 months or longer. Unreported figures for remission could be even higher.
But where do we start? With the right help, you can equip yourself with a complete toolbox of proven coping strategies. I liken this to having a different tool for each job, depending on which is the most suitable and effective for the task at hand. Change takes knowledge, awareness, and practice. It can be done. After all, it’s understood that BPD is caused and perpetuated by an absence of helpful coping mechanisms!
So if you’re reading this and you or someone you care about would benefit from better ways of managing overwhelming emotions, negative thoughts, and challenging relationships, I welcome you to get in touch.